hellothere

2008-12-01T01:13:00.002+08:00

you really see who your friends are when things are good and they dont need your help.

true friends stick through thick and thin.

another way is to just look at my tagboard

<----

sometimes i wonder why i'm so hated.

i guess i dont have any friends.

-zhang

found it apt to post something before the end

2008-11-19T19:45:00.003+08:00

a little bit more.

battle to the end.

oh the things we tell ourselves to get motivated.

but i cant wait!

excite.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things" - Phil 4:8

-Zhang

2008-10-11T02:50:00.002+08:00

hit the (paper) wall.

run fat boy run.

-zhang

2008-10-11T01:27:00.000+08:00

dead inside

and not deserving of salvation.

-blank

Deep Down in My Heart

2008-09-14T18:47:00.002+08:00

I just listened to this song thrice on my ipod.

and yes some tears. real men cry.

Cry Out To Jesus

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

Chorus:
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
And love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They've lost all of their faith in love
And they've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

Chorus:

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

-Zhang

stranger than fiction

2008-09-03T20:24:00.002+08:00

This thing called life confounds me.
i've gotta hope that there's something more to it than meets the eye
and have faith when reason seems to elude me.
and stop being an ass.

I see an inherent hypocrisy within all of us.

what is the measure of a man anyway?

there are times when i just wanna give up
but then something stranger than fiction happens.

and i find myself back to square one.

"its your godforsaken right to be loved, loved, loved."- Mr Mraz

-Zhang

2008-08-16T20:56:00.002+08:00

i have a problem.

i'm solving it.

-Zhang

2008-08-02T19:45:00.002+08:00

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14

I will follow You

2008-07-25T23:43:00.003+08:00

Hm.i'm rather tired now so i'll do a quick update.
It feels awesome in school with all the pull ups, harmonizing in the toilet and three-people-a-side badminton.Joy is certainly there if we look for it!
Highlight of the week? World Lit!
I continue to see God trying to spur me on everywhere i go, in everything i do, and i find myself talking to Him so much now. Though i have to admit that there are times of lapses i will always choose to go back to the straight and narrow.

Fab's continual repeating of this song makes me wake up with it stuck in my head every morning.sweet!

Rescue by Desperation Band
You are the source of the life
I can’t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There’s no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

Read this on a youngling's blog, thought it suitable to be the verse for my week (with world lits an' all!):
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

-unburdened jon

Thank You, Lord

2008-06-29T05:29:00.008+08:00

Its 5:30 in the morning and i'm still wide awake!
the past two weeks have for the most part been a blur,
feels like time stopped really.
I keep thinking about the things which have happened these past few days, and its quite a rough time for me.
Sometimes it really just comes down to the basics and getting in tune with what God's telling me to do: which right now is to just keep moving forward.
Seems as though the more I let go the more He holds on to me.
Amazing.

Two things which got me thinking during this time

1) an animated movie
For anyone who's not watched 'Meet the Robinsons' I do recommend that you do. It really struck a chord in me how the Robinsons' family motto of sorts was "keep moving forward", i guess at a time such as this i just needed that fact put across to me in simple terms and not in the highly philosophized arguments i find myself engaging in alot lately. Oh did i mention the quote comes from Walt Disney?

"Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

2) a sermon
For anyone who's been listening during service, the 'friend of God' sermon was definitely hard to forget. What makes David a man after God's own heart? What separated him from Solomon? I guess being a friend of God really does entail being able to go back humbly to Him and asking for forgiveness and that's what I'm reminding myself about now. Fab reminded me of a line from "Be My Escape" that really affirmed what this sermon meant to me:

"The beauty of GRACE is that it makes life not fair"

Thank you everyone who's been praying for me.
and most of all thank you Lord for being s'wonderful
Here's the song that's in front of me right now, cant remember how the tune goes but the words are so very true.

Thank You Lord

I thank You Lord, for the trials that come my way
In that way I can grow each day, As I let You lead
And I thank You Lord for the patience those trials bring
In that process of growing, I can learn to care

Chorus:
But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all I do
For when those trials come
My human nature shouts the thing to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

But I thank You Lord, with each trial I feel inside
That You're there to help lead and guide me away from wrong
For You promised, Lord, that with every testing
That Your way of escaping's easier to bear

Chorus

Yes, I thank You Lord, for the victory that growing brings
In surrender of everything, life is so worthwhile
And I thank You Lord, that when everything's put in place
Out in front I can see Your face
And it's there You belong

Its in the midst of adversity that we find our faith
-Zhang

2008-06-12T00:36:00.001+08:00

Thank you for the cross Lord.

-Zhang

2008-06-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

Songs that keep me alive.wheee! (:

listen and be satisfied !#&^$^%@

This is like three-in-one awesomeness: Corinne Bailey Rae, John Legend & John Mayer

Deathcab for Cutie- I Will Follow You In the Dark

When the Stars Go Blue

Nothing but the blood of Jesus

2008-05-17T19:34:00.000+08:00

Hello. the battle has been fierce these past few days.the spiritual one that is.
i see myself fighting on the wrong side alot lately, my pride and ego getting in the way of God's plans for me.pray that i'll understand that God's bigger than anyone/anything and i'll accept my place as His child.

"What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus."

go back to the light jon.

reflections and revelations

2008-04-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

hello.
its been long since I've blogged and since i'm in need for a place to rationalize my thoughts, here goes.
Recently I've been feeling rather fatigued, spiritually and physically. After ToK week it seems as though the drive to carry on has been diminished. But there's something about this situation that has caused me to reflect on this marathon called life: It takes just one small compromise to throw a person off his guard.

That compromise for me came in the form of watching television after the presentation as a form of destressing. I let my guard down and started a whole series of succumbing to temptation. Its not only in the big things (e.g. ToK presentation) that God calls us to be consistent and obedient, it is also in the small things where we should always be on our guard with. This verse speaks volumes about what i should be doing with the small things:

"'Well done, my good servant!' his master replied. 'Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities'" Luke 19:17

There's this satisfaction that comes with believing in Christ and being consistent in my daily walk with Him. Its a quiet harvest and might not be as obvious as personal gratification, but it certainly is much more fulfilling than anything this world can provide. I thank God for opening the eyes of my heart to the right things in life which i need to do and for empowering me to crucify my sinful nature. Indeed the power that temptation has over us weakens when we walk normally with Jesus and are transformed into Christ likeness.

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness and ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Cor 3:18

Today during break i looked back at my past quiet time sessions and what i wrote in my book. Find that i need to refresh my mind continually to what i've learnt because these are things which make up the core of my beliefs and should be practised daily no matter the circumstance. One thing i remember learning about is that what seperates us from our sinful self is how much of the right things we are exposed to, and another thing that i need to remember to apply is to have endurance to crash through my quitting points.

"Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life" James 1:12

Pray that I will guard my thoughts well and that the Holy Spirit will fill me with all that is good and righteous. Quitting points are tissue paper not bricks!

filled with joy- jon

Keeping the faith through love

2008-03-29T09:30:00.000+08:00

Hello!
you know the quiet harvest of right living which i mentioned before? well recently I've been experiencing it through various important people in my life.

Firstly this harvest was experienced through a fabulous friend yesterday. I'm glad that i was able to open up to someone else about my walk with God, something i don't think i could have done correctly if i had not been living right, thinking right and talking with others about my troubles. There's something about opening up to another brother/sister and telling them about your troubles/weaknesses, being honest about it and in doing so growing deeper in love with each other and with God. We are not all that different from each other, in fact most of our troubles are being experienced by everyone else, by being open with one another we are being honest with ourselves and keeping our lives in check. I thank God for giving me friends who are willing to help each other out in brotherly/sisterly love, to hold ourselves accountable for each other's actions, and who give our lives to God each day.

Secondly, another close friend talked to me about his walk with God and shared with me his amazement at how God works in his life. However, he did say some things which i did not quite agree with, and i shared with him my perspectives about the issue, pray that i was not too zealous about my views and that we would both keep our lives in check through rebuking each other.

Thirdly, through my mum who has been showing me tough love. I planned to go to fun-o-rama today and also to lend my guitar to Jon Heng for his practice. However my mum, in all her motherly instincts, told me off for planning too many things today when i'm supposed to be doing ToK and for wanting to lend the guitar without her permission. At first, i got a little peeved which made me want to lose my temper, however the quiet time material kicked in and my conscience pricked me. I thank God for mum, who never fails to keep my life in check!

That being said, i find myself continually looking for ways to improve my relationship with Christ, because there are just so many things which tempt me into sin. Right now, I'm doing my ToK presentation which is scheduled for this coming Tuesday! Pray that through God's grace i'll be able to understand that "true personal fulfilment never comes through self gratification" and that i'll be able to remember the fruits of the Spirit in all that i do.

"For the Fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law" Galatians 5:22

"If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up the cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it" Mark 8:34-35

Keeping the faith by God's grace- jon

Courage

2008-03-24T19:08:00.001+08:00

Hello,
yesterday's post was rather cryptic and i apologize.
Realised that some of my actions/thoughts have become so unholy and skewed towards my own opinions. today's quiet time really helped me to realise that it takes courage to admit these faults and to be vulnerable so as to be honest with my feelings.

"God does not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power" 2 Timothy 1:7

I find myself being tempted to lie to get myself out of a tight spot, sometimes even succumbing to it. But i've realised that being honest takes guts and shows the true nature of my walk with God. Pray that God would be able to make an honest man out of me and that i'll be a man of integrity and discipline. Reading God's word has been making me change how i view my actions and helping me to see that as God's man i'm a "work in progress". Need to be able to hold on to my belief in Him and "walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Cor 5:7).

This week has officially been dubbed "ToK week". Got to finish my essay and presentation and do them well. I must say that the past three days have been wasted away as i did not commit myself to my work and honouring my duty to God which i am starting to regret very much now. Yesterday's message was from her and i'd realised how easy it is to be caught within my emotions. Trying very hard to admit the things which bother me and work on them because God says so.

"A work in progress" -jon

a familiar message

2008-03-23T22:03:00.000+08:00

hello,
the day's been rather exhausting, both metally and physically.
i spent quite a long time replying a message, because it brought up some emotions which i am doing my best not to dwell on.
the devil's trying to get a foothold on me, i wont let him.
shall talk more about it later on, just needed to get this out of my system before continuing with work.

meanwhile a verse to feed the spiritually hungry (myself included):
"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. Many seek an audience with a ruler, but it is from the Lord that man gets justice"

Lord help me to fear you in all i do. -jon

2008-03-21T19:25:00.000+08:00

today the Good Friday sermon was on the seven last words of Jesus.
the part which striked me the most is found in Matthew 27:46:
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Quoting from the words of Psalm 22, Jesus shows us how we should be honest about our feelings with God and have an intimate relationship with him.

I feel i've grown quite a bit in my walk with Christ lately, but yet there are times when i find myself being tempted by Satan, so much so that thoughts of the past come back. When i find myself filled with stacks and stacks of work, i feel like giving up. When i see her around, i feel like wallowing in self pity. When i see the remote around i feel like stoning in front of the television.

These feeling are what i've come to understand as coming from the mole which works inside me, trying to make God's plans for me seem obscure, unreachable and even impossible. Romans 7:14-25 really changed the way i view my feelings and the way i govern my thoughts. Indeed i have had a hard time doing so, and there have certainly been times of weakness, but i dont want to subject myself to a grim acceptance of these thoughts. I want to ask him "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" and find that questions give us answers that answers never will. Truly he will never allow these temptations to be more than we can handle.

I find comfort in the knowledge that there is good in this world, in people whom i see around me who have reached spiritual maturity. But the most important thing with which i find most comforting is that Jesus Christ died for me on the cross. Two millenia ago, this man who has done no wrong died for me. For me who has given in to that mole so many times, for me who has foresaken His will and turned to the world to find answers.

"He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again" 2 Cor 5:15

Thanking God its Good Friday- jon

hello world

2008-03-15T14:14:00.000+08:00

"Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed" James 5:16

if you've seen me recently, i've probably lamented how busy i am.
one thing i've been starting to realize about myself is that when it feels like theres too much work i'll automatically switch into relax mode.

so therefore i shall stop blogging and do my EE right now!

bye,
jon's fiiggghting on (:

Spiritual Warfare

2008-03-10T20:18:00.000+08:00

hey,
have you ever noticed how real spiritual warfare is?
there are times when i can feel the devil proding me to sin.
today was one of the worst days.
staying at home made me so bored i decided to watch Rush Hour 3 as "research" for my TOK presentation.one thing led to another and i lay on my couch the whole time watching not only rush hour 3 but an episode of simpsons, friends and half of last comic standing. then mum called and said that dad's not feeling well and is coming home. i guess thats when my conscience pricked me. Its now 8:30 and i'm still stuck on world literature assignment 1 which should have been done two days ago.

Right now i really have to stand my ground and ask for God's grace y'know? Pray that i wont give the devil a foothold ever again.

not an 80/20 Christian. jon

character or comfort?

2008-03-05T17:13:00.000+08:00

hello!
so this week i've been rather happy (apparently thats what young people do nowadays) haha
its not so much the jolly bubbly kind of happy, but more of a sense of accomplishment. So proud that i've managed to stay off the television since thursday! of course there were times of weakness (like when i'm so tempted to watch American Idol right now) but i think God's trying to teach me to be a man of integrity, and have a spine for him. Yesterday's quiet time was on choosing character over comfort, just what i need to be doing at this time. Pray that I would be able to guard my heart closely and reap the "quiet harvest of right living":

"No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening- it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way" Hebrews 12:11

Today's physics lesson was so extremely gross and funny at the same time due to a certain teacher whose name i shall not mention. In the middle of lesson he shared with us two rather intriguing stories. One was when he dug his nose and burst a capillary and the other was when a beetle got stuck in his ear. haha i guess retardation does not discriminate, even teachers are affected by it. I laughed so hard it got so painful!

few things i'll be praying about this week:
1) My uncle and aunt have been going through a rough patch lately, so my cousin's been over quite a bit. Pray that they'll be able to work things out and that Christ will watch over their family.

2) TOK presentation's tomorrow and i still feel rather insecure about my topic/content. Pray that i'll be able to push through and persevere.

3) My brother who's stopped quiet time and has been glued to the xbox. tsktsk. Pray that he'll be able to do the right thing.

Oh and LASTLY, just got my jobweek card from mr azmi, who wants me to clean their toilet?

byeeee.
toilet-cleaner-uncle jon

life's struggles

2008-03-02T19:02:00.000+08:00

hey.
need a place to take a break from TOK and rationalize my thoughts.
i've been doing my best to bounce back up from rock bottom. its been successful thus far, though sometimes i find myself going back to old habits. this whole time has been such a humbling experience but i feel more fulfilled than i ever was.

Temptation has never been more real to me than right now. just a while ago i've been wanting to extend my nap and switch on the tv, even though i knew that i've got work undone. I know theres still a long way to go before i'm able to be God's man, but right now, more than ever, i need to take it one step at a time. Reading a book called "God's man, every man", find it rather helpful in understanding how life's temptations can lead a man into the wrong path through testimonies from the writers. my prayer now is that i'm able to let God fill my life.

Trying not to let her plague my thoughts anymore (though i must say this has been hard). I realise that my memory of her has been so skewed in my thinking and rethinking of her. As my bro says "life's actually really simple, we just love to complicate things". I'm glad that some of the younger ones in lifegroup understand the implications of succumbing to temptation and going into a relationship at such an early stage of your life. one of them just told me about how she believes that drawing strength from God and keeping your priorities straight is most important now. At this point in life, we certainly have to understand the difference between what is favourable in God's eyes and what thoughts are perpetuated by Satan.

I'm glad that we've got new additions to the lifegroup. Can sense that some of them are going through struggles of their own. Hope that they'll be able to see that i'm not any different from them and can confide in me as someone who is in no position to judge. Trying my best to equip myself with God's word, no matter what thats the most important thing right now.

Ivan's party was enjoyable. felt good being the youngest amongst the 19 and 20 year olds. was talking to chunky and his friends, all of whom were from RJ. haha. guess i was the odd one out heh. all in all it went rather well, and there were less awkward moments than i had expected considering that i was going there knowing that i knew noone. oh and i'm intrigued by the extremely long name for the rice at the buffet, guess i'm not really much of a fine diner heh.

School tomorrow. i've got to do TOK presentation, world lit essays, physics prac and maths by today. Hope that i'll be able to draw strength from Him and endure this race.

The prize will come in heaven.

"back to work" says jon

i'm pressing on

2008-02-28T19:38:00.000+08:00

school today was relatively short, thursdays are always this way.
however i would have to say the sun has been scortching hot! during P.E. we were made to practice for the 5 PFT items we have to do and also some strengthening. Now i can actually feel muscles which i never thought existed (or at least hasnt been active for a long time). and when i went to change out i could actually see a clear difference between where my tanktop was and what was exposed to the sun. Then we had to practice drill for founders day at 2pm (which meant we skip PC) and the sun was still hot as ever. so now even after a nice bath and a fan blowing at me, i can still feel heat radiating off me.

I think what my bro said yesterday was quite right. there are two sides to you that you might experience, the sinful person and the Godly one. what then decides which of these two people dominates your character? he told me that it is how much of the sinful or the Godly things in life which you are exposed to that decides who you are. which makes alot of sense. i see myself falling from grace over and over again and telling myself sometimes that a grim acceptance of what the masses are doing is the right thing to do, but i dont realise that by doing so i'm only subjecting myself to more sin and more pain. Therefore i have resolved to lead a Godly life, and expose myself to what the scriptures tell me. quiet time today was rather insightful, although my bro wasnt there cause he had to rush off for jap lessons. He left this book before he left for me to use as quiet time material and i must say it really speaks to me. The chapter today was on endurance. "Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will resolve the crown of life", i've been telling myself that quitting is just part of life but this is not what the bible tells me.

Crash through life's obstacles, they are but tissue paper if you have God by your side.

"i'm pressing on" says jon

drawing that line.

2008-02-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

just had a conversation with my bro
realise that what he's been through is not really that different from what i'm feeling now
he's great when it comes to rationalising things and figuring out what i'm not seeing and i'm just sorry i didnt get to talk to him earlier.
we've decided to help each other out and do quiet time together. must say its quite an encouragement since its coming from him. the one person i'd never thought would be asking me to do quiet time. find comfort in the fact that he's become someone whom i can look up to. y'know?

sometimes we need to sink a little for us to realise that we can float. well i'm feeling buoyant as ever now. haha. i guess the question i should be asking myself now is where do i go from here.

up, up, up (:

permanantly happy jon

life's life

2008-02-26T21:53:00.001+08:00

dad just flared up at me when i told him whats wrong.
i know where he's coming from but i dont think he understands.
i dont know who i can talk to, or whether i'm comfortable talking.
seems like the only way to talk is through this blog.

i'm leading a double life. happy jon versus sad jon.
went to school today wearing the deepest of frowns.
find myself such a hypocrite, its so disgusting.

i'd love to say that everything's better now but its not.
perhaps one day this blog would become jolly again.
today is not that day.

whenever i look at myself i see a deeply troubled soul

jon

two years on, a different jon?

2008-02-25T22:06:00.000+08:00

Hello there.
i dont exactly know why i'm blogging again but for some strange reason it just feels like the right time to do so.
Maybe its 'cause i need somewhere to rationalize my thoughts in words, cause i'm kinda clueless now.
or maybe i just need someone out there to understand how i'm feeling now.
we shall never know.

looking back on the last one (and about a quarter) years, there seems to have been so much thats changed.
the fact that this is my last year in the school of red, blue, gold has really started to sink in. questions about what i'm about to do with the next phase of my life are lingering at the back of my head.
the future looks so bleak now, my insecurities have started to haunt me. Much unlike my sec 4 self, full of ambition and anticipation of what lies ahead.
Perhaps i'm thinking too much, but i guess the most plausible explanation to why i'm feeling as such is cause i'm in self-denial. I find myself doubting everything i do, it seems like i'll never be good enough for what the world expects of me, or my own expectations of myself.

and of course there was her. i may act and look like i've gotten over it, i may even have told you that i've moved on. but the honest truth is that it still hurts. it hurts when i see her around and think about how it ended. it hurts when i realise that i still have feelings for her. it hurts when i cant help but think about it and cant talk to people about it (just when i write this part ivan calls and i guess i can talk to some about it) i guess i'm just different from other people, i dont see it as just another fling, i dont see why i should pretend to move on for the sake of acting my age.

its been downhill ever since we broke up, and on account of it being so long since its happened, soon i'll be hitting rock bottom.

ironic thing is how i've always thought that those who cant come to terms with breaking up were fools. look at me now, maybe i'm turning into that fool i've always hated. a fool no one loves and everyone despises. a fool who knows he's a fool. the worst kind.

byebye.
jon

the lost

2006-11-01T19:34:00.000+08:00

2006-10-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

the end of secondary school life.
sad aint it?
pi+1 will never be the same again.
but heh, dont fret, its not over, theres next yr.
ahh who am i kidding, I MISS SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE

well i've been feeling rather emo nowadays.
not only because of the abrupt end of 4.14

sometimes i wish i could say what i feel more openly you know.
but its just me, idiot me.
just say it, just say it, just say it!
RAWRR this stinks.

everytime i wake up i think about it.

"maybe i cant do it" says jon

2006-10-15T19:58:00.000+08:00

i think my hols have been booked.
as in you know how every time after the exams, you think of what to do during the hols. well mine's full, packed, gone..
you know after deep thought i realise that dates, time, calendars are actually a bunch of nonsense.a figment of our imaginations. we have 2 months for the end yr holidays, 1 month for june hols. but why see it as years?
if it were up to me, we would be looking at time as one big chunk, undivided, after the short break in between, we go back to reality. pessimistic heh? we wait so long for the holidays just to realise that it is actually going to pass really soon.

i have really a long list of things to do during the holidays, and time doesnt make it better.

busking today was extremely profitable and church today was real fun. but the most important thing was that gor finally went to church. it really took me by surprise actually. yesterday's movie was great, jackie chan's moves with the baby's looks, not bad for 9.50!

i mentally break life up into hurdles, obstacles, things to do. now the next hurdle is to do a great clip for youth camp.

pushing on...

"why spend your life moping about lack of time when you've got an eternity with God?" - j for jon

speak no evil, please

2006-10-11T08:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes i find it hard to articulate what i feel.
i think its this whole male ego thing that all guys have. (in geog we learn that girls always outlive guys)

Life's complicated i guess and being a guy doesnt make it any better (another one of my theories of life)

My parents are going overseas, and i somehow sense mum's reluctance to go. I think deep down inside they're waiting for the small boy who would tell them he misses them. dont be mistaken, i do miss them, but its more of an inward feeling that i have learnt to cultivate over time. However, i'm proud to be a guy because there are many things that are just implied, theres no need for longwinded side talk and endearing speeches that tend to bore me to bits. talk to me for 10 minutes and i'll show you how short my attention span is.

"when you cant talk, pray." -just jon

2006-10-09T23:19:00.000+08:00

pardon the template, its supposed to be the skin of the month, i easily succumb to peer pressure. (:

predictably unpredictability

2006-10-09T22:34:00.000+08:00

alas this blog has been down long enough!

Dont count on this being a regularity though, its probably just another one of my sudden geniuses, which would start wearing off soon enough. Theres maths tomorrow, last paper you see, so i'm trying very hard to slow down the pace and just chill.

Lets see, the week ahead's mostly planned out, theres sleepover on wednesday, lunch on thurday and friday i'm banking to use that time to sort out the tons of stuff in scouts left. Exams have taken such a toll on me, late night mugging sessions with cups and cups of coffee, resisting that urge to press the little red button on the tv controller, rushing assignments just before exams. I've never been much of a planner, just someone who tries to plan but never follows it-- being spontaneous is what makes life special (thats one of my 101 theories on life).

Did the poem in the langarts paper for IOP. Its like a nightmare. that was the one poem i had dreaded for months, slogging out to find the purpose of this really queer poem, and it comes back to haunt me yet again! Was so set on doing prose before the paper, but i would have been a fool if i didnt do the poem.

"Sometimes when we least expect it, God springs something to surprise you, as a sign that he's listening." - someone called jon

2006-04-24T00:47:00.000+08:00

bah